DON’T GO WRONG, LOOKING FOR MR. RIGHT!

Today the old saying “a good man is hard to find” appears truer than ever. When one considers the plight of black men in jail, the irrational motives of dudes hangin’ on the block; and the proliferation brothers on the “down low,” it appears a sister doesn’t stand much chance at realistically fulfilling her longing to marry a sensible man, raise wholesome children and live a relatively happy-ever-after life.

Just because the “pickin’s are slim” is no excuse for any women who thinks well of herself to just throw up her hands to settle for less than she deserves: a man who knows what it means to be a man and one who takes his role as the protector, defender and as a “one woman man” seriously. This thing that may or may not be love has a tendency to cloud our vision and deconstruct an otherwise sound mind. Just in case you have lost focus as a result of becoming caught up in warm fuzzy of the tender moment, let me draw your attention to a few questions worthwhile considering before heading down the isle to disaster. After all surrendering yourself to marriage is a life altering arrangement.


Question numero uno: What is this man’s background?

Stories abound where women beguiled by the charm, charisma, and animal magnetism (lust) of a Mr. Perfect-for-me, finds herself mixed up with a felon or bigamists who, with all sweetness and light, embezzles her bank accounts, pinches the family heirlooms, and coerces an otherwise intelligent women into overwhelming debt, leaving her feeling defenseless, powerless, embarrassed and horribly violated. So, how do you find what the man is all about, short of running a criminal check, which in times like these isn’t an all bad idea?

Here’s a test: Take the brother along on your trip the grocery store. Does he drops a few items in the cart and conveniently comes up short or disappear at the checkout? If no, move on to question number two. If so, let him go. He’s a dud. Get to steppin’ and leave him in the store.


Question two: Who are his people?

In marriage, his people become your people, to include his aunt’s daughter’s husband’s second cousin, and, his former wife, if one exists. Sit down to a meal with this man and his family. Pay attention to your own instincts; they rarely fail. A little nervousness on your part is natural and to be expected. Take note: how does his family (or family of friends) respond to you? Do they talk around you, stand off from you, and ignore you, making you feel less than welcomed? Hopefully not, but if you experience a sick, sinking feeling in the gut, bail the relationship, unless of course you want to start on an antacid diet. Realize that the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree. Send a nice “thank you note” and seal it with a good-by kiss.


Question number three: How does he regard his mother?

He’ll regard you in the same. If he has issues with mother, to include bowing and scrapping to her every demand; you might find yourself stuck with the mother-in-law from hell. “Two women does not a happy home make.”

4. Can he hold a job?

Changing careers every few years to advance is not uncommon in today’s economy and allowances should be made for seasonal labor. But when the object of your affection generates a hefty income and pays no taxes, unless he receives disability, you might find yourself party to tax fraud or worse.

5. What are his addictions?

Abusive behavior is as toxic as addictions to drugs and alcohol. If he demands knowledge of your every waking moment, consider that a red flag. Hopefully, you will have wisdom to see him for what he is not. Many a woman has lost her life to an obsessive, compulsive, controlling lover. If he doesn’t respect you now, what makes you think he’ll respect you in marriage?

Marriage is, in reality, a living, and breathing, co-dependent relationship that both exasperates and accommodates a couples needs. Respects, protection, faithfulness, integrity, kindness, patience, and all the other traits spoken of in the Bible, are necessary to a fulfilling and joyful marriage. Hopefully you will put a man with these qualities at the top of your list.

    Hopefully.

              - By Grandmother aka, Sista’ Mean

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