What Is Grief - Part One(1)

I was reminiscing one afternoon about the many lives and homes lost through natural disaster and war and I began to think of my own experience with loss and with the grieving process that follows. Being familiar with the grief work of Kathleen Gilbert of Indiana University (2005) I thought it would be appropriate to share some of her thinking in this area.

Most people think of death when they hear the word grief and this is because in human experience it is the loss due to death that we are most often familiar. Grief is much more than death. It can result from any loss and not necessarily just from death. We have grief in lost relationships, in things we cherish, in neighborhoods we depart from, and in schools we graduate from. We have losses in our own abilities and perceptions and we grieve the loss of function through the years. We can even grieve the loss of God as we search for meaning in the midst of tragedy.

Gilbert's most common interpretations of grief state that it is an emotional response! It is an emotional reaction to a loss that can include such deep sorrow that it can be painful. It's the dull, constant ache that seems to never leave. It can be sudden and sharp or slow and agonizing. Grief can come in waves and be of such intensity that sufferers may question their sanity. It can leave a person with such emptiness that they may even question whether life is worth living.

Worden (1991) suggests that grief consists of four dimensions that include feelings, physical sensations, cognitions and behaviors. On the feeling level Worden sees grief as sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, loneliness, fatigue, shock, yearning, and numbness. On the physical sensation level Worden identifies hollowness in the stomach, tightness in the chest and throat, oversensitivity to noise, a sense of depersonalization, shortness of breath, muscle weakness, lack of energy and dry mouth as symptoms. From a thinking or cognition perspective Worden sees disbelief, confusion, preoccupation, sense of presence and hallucinations as symptoms. From a behavioral perspective Worden identified sleep and appetite disturbance, absent minded behavior, social withdrawal, dreams of the deceased, searching and calling out, sighing, restless overactivity, crying, visiting places or objects that remind the survivor of the deceased and the abuse of alcohol and/or drugs.

Clearly, most individuals who have suffered a loss can identify with many of these signs and symptoms representing the impact of the loss on an individual. On a deeper level grief can be a spiritual or philosophical search for meaning or an effort to make sense of the loss within the context of a person's religious or spiritual belief system.

As a person undergoes the changes that seem to follow loss it is not unusual for them to undergo changes in their interpersonal relationships. These changes occur because the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of the bereaved are undergoing great change in an attempt to adapt to the loss. This dynamic is particularly disruptive within families who although affected as a group may also cope in many unique and individual ways.


              - By Don Doherty, MA, Ed.S.

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