Teaching An Old Dog New Tricks
Dr. Sheafe, I have been married for many years to my husband and I have enjoyed our sex life. However, I have wanted to try some new sexual positions with my husband for some time now, especially since the children are gone. However before, I can tell him about the idea of doing something new, he just rolls on top and does the same routine over again. I am tired of having sex the same way and want him to explore other positions with me. I have no interest in having sex with some one else, I just want to enhance what we do, you know make it better. How can I begin to teach, an old dog new tricks?

Dora
Allentown, Pennsylvania

Dora, it seems that already the old dog is on his way to learning new tricks because you are thinking about new positions. There is no better time than now to begin to talk to your husband. Do not be shy. It appears that you are waiting to tell him in bed when the two of you are ready to be intimate. Your timing is off. Try talking to him before you get in bed. It appears that the children are gone and the nest is about to be rearranged so to speak. You may find that he is very open to trying different things; go ahead and start the conversation and see what happens, you maybe pleasantly surprised.





Sexual Holdout
Dr. Sheafe, I have been with my girlfriend for four years. She uses sex as a reward and as punishment. She’s a spoiled brat! Only if things are going her way is she is willing to have sex. I told her that I have feelings too so I have decided to give her some of her own medicine and starve her sexually, so now she is bugging me for sex all the time. On a slightly different note, because she wants me to take her on vacation in three months to London and I am footing the entire bill she suddenly wants to become intimate all the time. When I told her that this was an expensive trip and we should go to the Bahamas instead, she stopped having sex until I gave in. Sex…money…vacation; it’s all related. I feel like a “money train” and I don’t like that feeling… any suggestions?

Timothy,
Minneapolis

Tim, you have been together four years so this pattern of behavior has developed over time. Ask yourself, how did you contribute to her behavior? For many people it is hard to express feelings related to intimacy. It may take some time but you must. Tell her exactly what you are telling me. Start by talking to your girlfriend about how you experience your sexual relationship then tell her how you feel financially used. Explain why you are withholding sex. The two of you are playing a game with sex and as a result if things do not change you will both loose. Also, you may not be aware of how she perceives you. She may think that you are doing exactly the same thing to her, to get what you want. There is only one solution to this problem. You must address your feelings and stop playing games.




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